CRUEL SECRETS Read online

  With a resigned change of heart, she stopped at the crossroads, turned right, and hoped that Keffa was at home. She pressed the intercom and waited, tapping her foot.

  “Yeah!” came the voice.

  “Keffa, it’s me, Bluey.” She heard the buzzer and the sound of the door being released. After tugging it open, she ran up the stairs, taking two at a time.

  In an open shirt and with a smile on his face, Keffa stood in the doorway ready to greet her. “Yo, Blue, what’s up?” Then he noticed the anguish written on her face.

  “I need your help … it’s Lippy.” She paused to catch her breath. “I love that woman, ya know, and she is sick.”

  Keffa watched her walk past him, as she made herself at home, and put the kettle on to make them both a cup of tea. He couldn’t help but admire her fantastic bone structure and lithe body, with everything so beautifully proportioned. In different circumstances, she could easily have joined Kate Moss on the model circuit.

  “How can I help? I’m no doctor, Blue.”

  She poured the boiling water over the two teabags, and with her back to him, she said, “D’ya take sugar?”

  Keffa laughed, amused by her actions. “No.”

  She went to the fridge and pulled out a carton of milk before she carefully added some in the cups. “No, it’s not a doctor I need, it’s a fucking passport.”

  “Bluey, I’ve told you before. Don’t swear, it’s not ladylike.”

  She turned to face him and lowered her gaze. “Sorry, I am just anxious, that’s all. I love her, Keffa, and I can’t do anything to help. All she needs now is to fly back home and rest with her sisters.”

  Keffa took the cup from her and they strolled into the lounge. She kicked her shoes off and curled up on the comfortable sofa. He liked the fact she was so at home in his flat: she was herself, no pomp, no act, just her.

  “Look, Blue, I know why Lippy can’t fly. I know who she really is. Remember when I came home with you after that terrible cock-up and Ditto getting bashed?”

  Kelly nodded.

  “Well, as soon as I met Lippy, I was taken aback. She looked so much like me dear ol’ mum. Lippy talks like her, too, the old patois. It’s kinda nice and homely. I took a shine to her.”

  Kelly nodded again.

  “Anyway, a while after me and Rudy started up a business together, ya know I only have peeps round me that I can trust, well, one told me who she was, bless her. I have to admit, I admire the woman. So, yeah, I know ya problem.”

  “Keffa, is there any way we can get a passport? I don’t know how long she has left. It’s gonna break my heart, ya know. What’s worse, I feel so helpless.”

  Keffa told Kelly all the pitfalls of getting a fake passport. “ … and besides all that, it takes too long.”

  Kelly felt the tears filling up and it didn’t go unnoticed by Keffa. He put his cup down on the coffee table and moved across to sit beside her. She looked up at his concerned expression and then laid her head on his chest. Naturally, he put his arm around her shoulders.

  “Oh, Keffa, there must be some way.”

  Keffa felt her warm body against his and had an urge to kiss her. He had always loved her, and yet she’d had no idea. She was young, maybe too young, though. It was the day she’d stood in his lounge, as bold as brass and honest as a child, when he had probably fallen in love.

  Then, from nowhere, he had a mad thought, but it was too early to mention it, just in case it didn’t work. He removed his arm and jumped up from the sofa. “Sorry, Blue, wait there. I need to check something.”

  Kelly nodded and sipped her tea. She liked Keffa; he was always there, somewhere silently in the background.

  Opening the bedside cabinet, he retrieved his mother’s passport. It was only a year old. He had sorted it out for her so he could take her back to Jamaica to visit her family. He remembered the pleasure it had brought her, sitting on that wooden porch with her sisters around laughing and talking. He opened the passport to the last page and scrutinised the photo. He smiled and ran back to the lounge.

  “Here, Blue, look at this picture! What do you think? Maybe without that mad purple hair and hot pants, she could look like my mum. You could dye her hair grey.”

  Kelly clasped her hands over her mouth and stared at the photo. She could see a real likeness. Leaping up from the couch, she flung her arms around Keffa’s neck. “Oh my God, Keffa, I could kiss you.”

  He looked at her with a serious expression. “Maybe you should.” It wasn’t the right time or the right place, but there, he had said it.

  Kelly stared for a second. His face was always somewhere in her mind, as if he was meant to be there. Without another thought, she cupped his face and very gently she brushed his mouth with her lips. Neither moved, their eyes closed. She didn’t feel awkward, or uncomfortable, it felt right. Then he kissed her and she kissed him back again, holding on to the intense feeling. Slowly, she pulled away from him. He ran a finger down her cheek. “It’s okay, Bluey, you go and do what you have to. I am always here if you need me.”

  “I know, Keffa, I know you are. You always have been.”

  She wasted no time in heading back to give Rudy the news and book flights; she would have stayed at Keffa’s but Lippy needed her – perhaps one day, when the time felt right.

  Rudy appeared in the office. “Where ya been?”

  She smiled. “To get what we need to fly Lippy home. Here, look, Rudy, this is Keffa’s mother’s passport.”

  Rudy laughed. “Fucking ’ell, my daze, you did it. They look like sisters.”

  Kelly was nodding with excitement. “Look, Rude, flights to Jamaica, Friday evening. We’ve got two days to get organised. Have you got a passport?”

  “Yeah, but I can’t go. I’ve got shit here to do.”

  “Rudy, I can handle your shit. I need you to be with her, a strong man. She’s too sick to go alone, and I don’t have a passport. Probation and all that bollocks won’t allow it yet.”

  Rudy looked uncomfortable. “But she needs a woman to go with her. I mean, she is sick, and well, I’m not good with all that stuff.”

  “I know! Me aunt Bet, she’s good friends with Lippy now. She’s just the person,” she replied excitedly.

  Rudy nodded. “Well, looks like you’ve got it all planned out.”

  “Rudy, I want to help Lippy. She is good to me, like a mum I would have always wanted.”

  Rudy kissed her forehead. “Okay, Bluey, you call Betty. I’ll get me jobs sorted and I s’pose I best get packing. Are ya gonna be all right, ’ere on ya own?”

  Kelly laughed. “I won’t be. I’ve got Ditto, Reggie, Phoenix, and Solly to keep me company or wind me up, one of the two …” She looked at Rudy and smiled. “I’m all right, ya know.”

  “Yeah, make sure you stay that way.”

  *

  Toni lay on her bed, alone in her flat. She closed her eyes. She could remember the smell of the blood and the recollection of feeling the sticky insides of Naomi’s womb. Four sleeping pills had relaxed her tense muscles but not her mind. She gripped her shoulders, willing herself to sleep. Her adrenaline levels, however, were still very high and she was constantly thrown into a state of panic. That event happened all those years ago; she needed to leave those images dead and buried. She hadn’t worried about it back then, Eddie had seen to that. He’d arrived as soon as she’d called and told her it was the right thing to do; he’d said he was proud of her, in fact. She’d clung to that notion: that being held in high esteem was worth the grizzly act she’d just committed. She remembered the look on his face when the baby was handed to him; not once did he gaze down in wonderment; he just nodded with satisfaction.

  He passed her back the baby and with ease he wrapped the body, taped it up, and washed his hands. “Come on, Tone, let’s get the baby over to Maureen. That will shut the whinging bitch up. I’ll get rid of the rubbish tomorrow.” He had no fear or repulsion in his eyes, just gratification. Toni joined in E
ddie’s upbeat mood. She closed the door behind them and that was the last time she saw the body. A week or so later, when they were sitting together in the pub, waiting for the others in his firm to arrive, she asked Eddie what he’d done with Naomi’s corpse. He laughed. “She’s still there, well, under the floor anyway.” He poured a whisky down his throat and stood up to greet Cyril. It was business as usual.

  Toni came out of her thoughts and sat up, reaching for the sleeping tablets; one more should do the trick. She threw it to the back of her throat and swallowed hard. As soon as she lay back down, the room began to close in and she fell into a nightmare-filled sleep. The tablets should have knocked her out for eight hours – instead she lay there for two days. The banging on the door pulled her from a deep slumber.

  “Open up, Toni!” shouted Eddie.

  Still docile, Toni got up from the bed and unlocked the door. Eddie almost knocked her over with his impatience to get in. She yawned. “What the fuck.” Unable to focus properly, she was unaware of his angry look.

  “So, where’s the fucking money, Toni?”

  Toni frowned. “What money?”

  Eddie waved the opened envelope under her nose. “This money!” he shouted.

  She leaned back, pushing herself into the sofa, trying to get her mind together before she looked at the writing. Snatching the letter, she held it in front of her. “What’s this?”

  “Ya fucking know what it is, you underhanded slut!”

  Toni took the letter from its envelope and read the words ‘Bill of Sale’, Miss Toni Raven, £1,000,000. She looked at Eddie and frowned. “Is this some kinda joke? Is it one of those con letters?”

  Furious, he grabbed her hair and pulled her to him. Her back was contorted and she gripped his hand. “Aw, get off me, Eddie. I don’t know what that fucking letter is.”

  He shook her. “You skank, ya fucking sold the diamond, didn’t ya?”

  Toni looked totally confused, and Eddie could see by the look in her eyes, she was telling the truth. He let her go and sat down, rubbing his hands through his hair. Finally, he said, “That little slapper’s gone and sold me fucking diamond. That’s the bloody receipt. She knew what was in that bunny all along … I could fucking annihilate her.”

  So that’s why he wanted the bunny; of course, it had to be something of value, she thought. Eddie wasn’t sentimental, he only cared about himself. Not once in her life had she ever felt this, but now, as she eyed him over, she felt disgusted by him. There he was, in his new black leather jacket, his designer jeans, and his gold Rolex. He had everyone rallying around him, pampering to his every whim, including her, all because of his vicious reputation. Never had her brother earned people’s respect – it had been given through fear of the man. She stared at his expression, his cocky presence, and despised him.

  “What are you fucking gawping at?” he shouted, but Toni said nothing and stared into space. He meant nothing to her now. In a moment of pure clarity, she saw him for who he really was: the arch manipulator.

  “Right, Toni, get over to her place and get me money back. If I get hold of her, I will kill her!”

  He looked in Toni’s direction. “Are you listening to me?”

  Toni nodded, slowly and deliberately.

  “What the fuck is the matter with you? Are you on crack or what?”

  She sensed he was unnerved by her lack of eagerness to help. “Eddie, you didn’t tell me about the diamond, ya kept that one a secret. And you led us all to believe that Jack and Mickey double-crossed you. Fuck me, Eddie, you killed them over it.”

  “Aw, shut up, Toni, there were two fucking diamonds, and they did nick the other one, so they deserved what they got.”

  “Did they, Eddie, did they really? You lied to me. So, do you expect me to help ya now?”

  “You fucking what! You had better go and sort her out, or I’ll …”

  “Yes, Eddie, you will do what?” she asked sarcastically.

  He squinted his eyes and gripped the arms of the chair. “If you had just got the fucking bunny off the prat, like I told ya to, you would be half a million richer. So, I will make a serious suggestion, and that is this. You get yaself cleaned up, get over there, and do whatever it takes to get me my money back!”

  Toni was used to those words ‘do whatever it takes,’ and in the past, she had done exactly that. Not anymore, though. She looked down at her chipped fingernails and began scraping back the pink nail polish. She would have been shaking at one time, if he’d shouted at her like this, but not now.

  “Right, I’m gonna find that prick Tommy. He was supposed to be watching the prat.”

  Toni still remained seated, picking at the nail varnish. Eddie walked to the door and looked back at his sister, who was behaving peculiarly. He put it down to perhaps a hangover – she liked a good drink.

  Eddie slipped the phone from his back pocket and dialled Tommy’s number. He leaned up against Toni’s car. “Tommy, get yaself back at mine. I wanna see the photos.” He kept his voice calm. As soon as his gaze focused on what was inside the car, he saw the familiar bunny sitting on the passenger seat of his sister’s car. He shot a glance back at the flat, and then he tried to open the car door. It was locked. Fuming now, he rushed back and shouted, “Toni, open up, it’s me!” His sister had lied to him and he was going to shove the bunny down her throat.

  Toni was still preoccupied with her nails. She didn’t jump to rush to let him in. Instead, she walked to the kitchen to put the kettle on.

  “Fucking open up!” he hollered.

  Her head was banging, as she shuffled her feet towards the door. Releasing the latch, she stepped aside.

  “Where’s ya car keys?” he shouted, while he scanned the room.

  “On the table,” she replied, in a flat tone.

  Eddie gave her a sideways glance, confused by her indifference to him. He snatched the keys and hurried back to the car and grabbed the bunny. He rushed back to the flat and slammed the door behind him so hard that a picture fell off the living room wall.

  Holding the bunny in the air, he noticed the stitching was intact and it was heavy, so perhaps the letter had been a wind-up. “Toni, where did you get this?”

  She poured herself a coffee and slowly turned to face him. “Kelly gave it to me, the other day.”

  This was all too strange; there he was, holding the bunny, his sister away with the fairies, and a letter suggesting that Toni had been paid a million pounds. Wasting no time in finding out the truth, he pushed his sister aside and opened the knife drawer to retrieve the smallest yet sharpest knife. In an instant, he sliced the front of the soft toy. The rice poured out and onto Toni’s tiled kitchen floor. He dug inside with his forefinger – there it was, the blue diamond. He scooped it out, held it up to the light, and admired the bright reflections, which twinkled as a diamond would.

  Immediately, he was overwhelmed with euphoria. His diamond was in his hands. “Well done, girl!” he laughed, “ya fucking did it!” So ecstatic about holding the gem, Eddie never gave the letter another thought.

  Calmly sipping her coffee, she watched him act like the spoilt child and arrogant piece of shit he really was.

  “So, Eddie, it was all about that diamond then, was it?”

  Eddie was still laughing with excitement when he spun around and noticed the blank expression on Toni’s face. “Hey, sis, look, this little beauty is worth over a fucking million.” He shoved it under her nose. “Jesus, I was an idiot for trusting her with this.”

  He was on too much of a high to be bothered by his sister’s sulky expression. Placing what he thought was a very valuable gem in his pocket, he left.

  Toni looked at the bunny left on the floor with its insides spewing out. The image couldn’t have come at a worse time, with those gruesome visions of Naomi’s plight very much alive in her head. She bent down and picked up the toy, carefully scooping up the rice to refill the saggy bunny. In her hand was the very object that symbolised her actions al
l those years ago. The limp, soft toy with the guts ripped from it represented Naomi’s lifeless body and the gaping hole where once a baby had been.

  There, in the lounge, in the sideboard drawer, lay her mother’s green tapestry sewing box. She thought about her mother, such a gentle, kind woman. Her sweet Spanish accent could soothe the hardest of men to sleep. But she would be turning in her grave, if only she knew what she had given birth to. Opening the lid, she stared down at the neatly arranged cottons and the pretty pincushion her mother had made herself. She sat at the table with the sewing box and the bunny and threaded a needle. The smell from inside the box reminded her so much of her mother’s scent that a tear escaped her eye and trickled down her nose. She should have been like her, tender and compassionate, but, unfortunately, she was the antithesis of her mother’s kind nature. It was too late now to put things right; she could never bring back Naomi or repay all those cruel wrongs she had committed. After stuffing the rice back, she started to sew it all together but then had a thought and stopped.

  A notebook was there on the table, ready when needed. It must have been ten years old and never used. Not until now. With chaotic thoughts going around in her head, she wrote a short letter to Kelly.

  Folding the paper and inserting it inside the comforter, she finished by sewing it up. She held it away from her – ironically the seam was right across the belly of the bunny. After placing the toy in a Jiffy bag and addressing it, she sighed. Another tear fell.

  *

  Eddie was ecstatic: he had his blue gem and he had won. It was time to sell up everything he owned and live a life like a king in Spain. He was going straight. No more scams, no more robberies, he was going to spend his days sunning it, fucking any bird he fancied, and enjoying his hard-earned cash.

  Tommy arrived, complying with his master’s orders, and praying Eddie was going to call it quits and forget the debt now. Parking in the drive and holding the camera, he timidly knocked on the door.

  Eddie answered with a smile on his face; he had forgotten about Tommy.

  “All right, Tommy? Listen, ya can come off the watch now. I got what I wanted.” He went to close the door.